I am trying to be optimistic, I really am. Every night, I go to bed and I pray that the next day will be easier. But I feel like I am fighting the tide. When I was a lifeguard, they taught us that when you are rescuing someone, swim at an angle toward shore so that you don't have to fight the tide. No matter what angle I take, I feel like I'm getting nowhere. And if I drift, well, I just drift right back out to sea.
Today started with my goal - getting up in the morning. Only I quickly realized that once my oldest was off to school, my youngest would be quite happy to watch cartoons. And so, I went back to try to get some more sleep (mistake #1). I wound up watching last night's shows online (mistake #2) and wasting time on Facebook (#3). Then after I got dressed and tidied up, made youngest's lunch and got him off to school, I wound up reading in bed (#4) which I admit, was actually the one fun thing I did today. I did a smidge of work (not enough - #5) and desperately was checking email for a job I applied to (#6), and did nothing to get myself ahead today - no catching up on laundry (#7), no studying (#8), no planning for scouts (#9), nada. In a blink, it was time to go to work, but tearing myself from the kids was too painful so I left late (mistake #10), no time to eat (#11), and yet I pulled it off.
Then my honey called to tell me that his phone was stolen out of his car today and I realized I had never activated a security feature on the phone (#12) so it is totally gone. Tomorrow I get to drive 40 minutes with youngest to go to the phone store and get him a new one so that he can still check voicemail while he's out of town. And I have a doctor's appointment before I have to pick up our share at the farm and then - joy of joys - head down 45 minutes each way to the scouting office to pick up awards for our meeting on Thursday. And still laundry, studying, taxes (don't get me started there), messy house, cooking, groceries, empty dog food bin all beckon.
So here I am alone, tired, worn out, hungry, frustrated, worried, and annoyed. I feel like a crappy mom and a mediocre wife. I know that when I am tired I lash out at myself - and no, this isn't a pity party because no one is even reading this! I just had a crappy day, from a crappy month, in a crappy year and at some point, some point! aren't we allowed to be a little happy?
Today started with my goal - getting up in the morning. Only I quickly realized that once my oldest was off to school, my youngest would be quite happy to watch cartoons. And so, I went back to try to get some more sleep (mistake #1). I wound up watching last night's shows online (mistake #2) and wasting time on Facebook (#3). Then after I got dressed and tidied up, made youngest's lunch and got him off to school, I wound up reading in bed (#4) which I admit, was actually the one fun thing I did today. I did a smidge of work (not enough - #5) and desperately was checking email for a job I applied to (#6), and did nothing to get myself ahead today - no catching up on laundry (#7), no studying (#8), no planning for scouts (#9), nada. In a blink, it was time to go to work, but tearing myself from the kids was too painful so I left late (mistake #10), no time to eat (#11), and yet I pulled it off.
Then my honey called to tell me that his phone was stolen out of his car today and I realized I had never activated a security feature on the phone (#12) so it is totally gone. Tomorrow I get to drive 40 minutes with youngest to go to the phone store and get him a new one so that he can still check voicemail while he's out of town. And I have a doctor's appointment before I have to pick up our share at the farm and then - joy of joys - head down 45 minutes each way to the scouting office to pick up awards for our meeting on Thursday. And still laundry, studying, taxes (don't get me started there), messy house, cooking, groceries, empty dog food bin all beckon.
So here I am alone, tired, worn out, hungry, frustrated, worried, and annoyed. I feel like a crappy mom and a mediocre wife. I know that when I am tired I lash out at myself - and no, this isn't a pity party because no one is even reading this! I just had a crappy day, from a crappy month, in a crappy year and at some point, some point! aren't we allowed to be a little happy?
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