I love Facebook. My husband hates it - hate being a particularly strong word we don't use often. But I like playing the silly games, seeing what some of my old friends are up to, and generally just poking around. It's how I learn about my college and high school friends' kids, marriages... and divorces.
The babies are fun - a big announcement, maybe a few pictures of an emerging bump. Then shortly after birth, a friend of the friend posts on their page, or maybe it's a few days later and they post a mobile pic of mom, dad and baby. Then for the next 9 months at least every single post will be about the baby and some amazing thing they just did, like burp. I have two of my own, and I love every minute of it.
The marriages are interesting. I've been married for a long time, so the idea of posting engagement and wedding plans on Social Media is interesting but foreign to me. As DH doesn't like FB and I try not to post anything private about anyone else, I rarely post about us, and certainly not about our relationship or marriage. But the wedding posts are fun - like the babies, you can see them coming from a mile away. Then there's that big day where they decide if they want to be "married" on their status on FB.
The divorces are sad. They creep up on you. A friend has a few "tough times" posts. Then you start to notice that they are only talking about their kids now, never about their spouse. Their spouse doesn't post on their wall, or "like" their posts. The clear indicator is the vacations. When you see vacation pictures that don't include a spouse, or a mention of a spouse, or any indication that s/he was there, the marriage is in trouble. Don't get me wrong - I think it is fine and dandy to go on vacation without your husband, or vice-versa. But usually when you do, you'll see postings about that your honey had to work, or he had a business trip, or couldn't get the time off. One trip without a spouse, sure. Two, three?
Then you see the postings about moves. A new apartment, townhouse. A new school for the kids. Or if my friend is staying in the house, you'll see an awful lot of posts about going out with girlfriends for the weekend. I haven't been out with a girlfriend at night since I had kids. That's a pretty good sign that the kids are with dad for the weekend, and not just because mom needed a weekend off.
No one ever posts - "I got divorced today! Woohoo!" I guess I'm grateful for that. But it's strange. People will post about death, they post about life, they post even about bathroom habits. But this sad, grief/guilt-filled moment tries to just slip by.
Another friend posted about a move today. Looking back I saw she hadn't mentioned her husband, or posted pictures of him, since July. All of the signs are there. And I'm realizing that I'm seeing the 50% of marriages ending right in front of me. It is sad, so sad. And there's really no way to talk about it. So I will "like" her posts more, and post an occasional "hang in there." But really I'm thinking about my 40 year old classmate who is starting over as a single mom of a 14 year old, and that 14 year old girl who now doesn't get to live with Daddy all of the time. And it's just sad.
The babies are fun - a big announcement, maybe a few pictures of an emerging bump. Then shortly after birth, a friend of the friend posts on their page, or maybe it's a few days later and they post a mobile pic of mom, dad and baby. Then for the next 9 months at least every single post will be about the baby and some amazing thing they just did, like burp. I have two of my own, and I love every minute of it.
The marriages are interesting. I've been married for a long time, so the idea of posting engagement and wedding plans on Social Media is interesting but foreign to me. As DH doesn't like FB and I try not to post anything private about anyone else, I rarely post about us, and certainly not about our relationship or marriage. But the wedding posts are fun - like the babies, you can see them coming from a mile away. Then there's that big day where they decide if they want to be "married" on their status on FB.
The divorces are sad. They creep up on you. A friend has a few "tough times" posts. Then you start to notice that they are only talking about their kids now, never about their spouse. Their spouse doesn't post on their wall, or "like" their posts. The clear indicator is the vacations. When you see vacation pictures that don't include a spouse, or a mention of a spouse, or any indication that s/he was there, the marriage is in trouble. Don't get me wrong - I think it is fine and dandy to go on vacation without your husband, or vice-versa. But usually when you do, you'll see postings about that your honey had to work, or he had a business trip, or couldn't get the time off. One trip without a spouse, sure. Two, three?
Then you see the postings about moves. A new apartment, townhouse. A new school for the kids. Or if my friend is staying in the house, you'll see an awful lot of posts about going out with girlfriends for the weekend. I haven't been out with a girlfriend at night since I had kids. That's a pretty good sign that the kids are with dad for the weekend, and not just because mom needed a weekend off.
No one ever posts - "I got divorced today! Woohoo!" I guess I'm grateful for that. But it's strange. People will post about death, they post about life, they post even about bathroom habits. But this sad, grief/guilt-filled moment tries to just slip by.
Another friend posted about a move today. Looking back I saw she hadn't mentioned her husband, or posted pictures of him, since July. All of the signs are there. And I'm realizing that I'm seeing the 50% of marriages ending right in front of me. It is sad, so sad. And there's really no way to talk about it. So I will "like" her posts more, and post an occasional "hang in there." But really I'm thinking about my 40 year old classmate who is starting over as a single mom of a 14 year old, and that 14 year old girl who now doesn't get to live with Daddy all of the time. And it's just sad.
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